If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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