Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
