I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
