I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
