Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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