i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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