I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
