ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
