Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
