she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
