Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he puts the penis in happiness.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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