im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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