It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
