He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
