Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
