it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
