Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
