We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
