I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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