My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
