There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
