Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
