So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
