I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
