Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
