i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
