i just wanna soil my oats bro
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
