i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
