Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I want her autograph on my taint
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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