Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
