this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
