I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
