He kissed a someone with a penis
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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