He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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