I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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