redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
