Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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