Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
