my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
