yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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