just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
