I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
