You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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