I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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