I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
