But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
