Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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