I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
did i just pee glitter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
