Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
