You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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