It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
