I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
