The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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