when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
