Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
