I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
