Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
