so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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