is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
