Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize