Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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