i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
did i just pee glitter
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
