capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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