i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
