he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just gargled with NyQuil
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize