Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
