How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
