If i come over, it means nothing
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
