Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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